While most people set goals, intentions, new visions, etc. and marched into the new year this past week/weekend, I found myself carrying my bag of tools (journals, articles, vision boards, notes, post-its, etc.) from room to room, from place to place, and from moment to moment never finding time to pause and do all the things one “should” be doing as one year scurries to a close and another prepares to break dawn. On the one hand, I felt like a semi-failure, because I am usually the QUEEN of pausing, preparing, etc. On the other hand, I felt pleased that I allowed life to unfold the way it needed to (and it needed me to) over the last 10 or so days. Either way, one year ended, a new one began, and thankfully I’m still here, nothing broke, nobody I love died…so here we are.
Rewind…I fully intended to do my annual (well quarterly) pause, reflect, look forward during the last week of the year. I took time off, I had it on my “to do” list, I even gathered all the things to get it done. But, after a fun and full pre-holiday week/weekend, both Aaron and I were sick (we’ve both tested Negative for the big C, but I think that’s what it may have been in hindsight). The Christmas holiday was upon us and I hadn’t mailed all of my gifts/cards. The holiday came and went. And then came the daily toy upheaval, reshuffling the house to accommodate the new things, removal of the old things, the finishing of the holiday mailings, the preparations for the new year (clean the house, get the food, do the laundry, etc.), and then Moe got sick. So my tote bag of tools simply shuffled along with me from Sunday the 26th to Sunday the 2nd.
But, alas, it is the first Monday of the year. Aaron is at daycare. Moe is in the basement recovering. And Mama is finally gonna get 2021 out of her system and 2022 into the swing of things. Except that it hit me.
In July of last year, I made the tough decision to go part time with dfree(R); the work I’ve loved and been beyond committed to for the last 7+ years, so that I could be more present and available for my son, my partner, our home, and our family. And though I posted just yesterday that I was beyond tired, and overwhelmed by all of the roles I played over the last 10 or so days leading up to the new year, it dawned on me that this last week of 2021 was the first time I’d spent fully in service to the very people and things I set out to do in July.
Well, ain’t God grand?!?
Here I was thinking I was behind. But of course, things are always in right order and right timing when we pay attention to them. I entered 2021 steadying but still uncertain, yet knowing and wanting things to change in the way I was doing life and being in it. Well it took all 365 days (367.2 to be exact) to get to that moment of clarity and change I knew I needed.
2022 will be about even more change, even more refinement, more new things, but also more commitment to the changes I’ve already set in motion. But as I pray, plan, and prepare, I will remember to remain in service…to God, to myself, to my family, and then to the work…
Happy New Year!